Parenting Is Hazardous To Your Health? The US Surgeon General thinks So.

I don't know about you, but I was over the moon when Stranger Things hit the scene. Ah, the sweet nostalgia of yesteryears! Just minus the whole Vecna and demogorgons bit. Life was a breeze back then. I recall spending countless hours solo, either catching tadpoles or lightning bugs. One of my top activities was hopping into a canoe or rowboat and lazily paddling around the lake, marveling at the underwater world. Little did we know we were meditating; we just called it boredom. But hey, being left to your own devices can really beef up your independence and problem-solving skills. As kids, we'd scamper all over town and just had to be home for dinner or before the streetlights flickered on.

The parenting style was basically "free-range kids." Fast forward to today, and society's got parents wound up tighter than a drum, aiming for perfection and it's wearing them out. You get the stink eye if your kids dare to ride their bikes on the street without you camped out in a lawn chair, supervising like a hawk. That's just bonkers. Sure, safety is a biggie in lots of places, but in the US, kids don't even hoof it to school anymore. That's a real bummer. (Note: I specifically said US because in many other countries, kids are still hoofing it just fine).

Oh boy, things were a whole different ballgame when we were kids! I know every generation says that, but come on, the internet and email were invented while we were growing up. Our generation probably got hit with one of the biggest technological whammies ever—cell phones, internet, email, oh my! Back in high school, having a beeper made you the James Bond of the schoolyard, and emailing your pals or teachers? Forget it! I got my first laptop in college, and let me tell you, I did all my college applications on a typewriter. Yep, you heard me right, a typewriter! We were the first class that had to have a laptop (it was part of the tuition package, like a really expensive lunchbox). But even then, email was mostly for typing up assignments. None of this emailing professors at 2 a.m. on the day of the exam with desperate pleas for help. Seriously, technology has turned boundaries into a free-for-all and made loneliness go viral!

Remember Rand McNally? That guy's maps are still chilling in my car. Why, you ask, when we've got Waze and Google Maps? Oh, I use those nifty apps all the time, and they're a massive upgrade from the prehistoric MapQuest printouts we used to juggle while driving. But if your phone decides to take a nap or you wander into no-signal-land, those maps are your trusty sidekick. Ellen has this hilarious episode where she challenges a millennial to use a rotary phone (spoiler: epic fail) and to fold a map that's been completely unfolded. It's comedy gold!

Speaking of which, I LOVE stand-up comedy. I binge it on Netflix like it's my full-time job. Now, Netflix might be the best thing since sliced bread, or it might be the reason I spend 6 hours contributing absolutely zilch to society. Back in the day, I was the same with books as a young lady, but somehow that feels easier to justify. I mean, books make you look smart, right?

Anyway... I was checking out Fortune Feimster's special, and she shared this gem about finding a kindergarten photo of herself. In the picture, she's holding a hammer and nails! I completely lost it, laughing so hard that I was crying . Thankfully, my underwear stayed dry! You know what I'm talking about ladies!

Ok, so as soon as she said that, I... felt... seen. Things were so different back then. You didn't get paid to do chores when you were a kid; you just did them because that's what kids did. I mean, the number of plants I dug up every autumn only to replant in the spring is insane. My mom loves flowers, and she has a thing for Canna lilies, and they didn't overwinter well back then. Of course, now you don't even have to take them out for the winter, thanks to climate change! And it might not surprise you that when my mother offered to give me Canna lilies when I had my first home with a yard, I shut that down immediately.

I can't recall ever uttering the phrase "play date" when I was a kid. Nope, we were more like little nomads, crashing at each other's houses whenever the mood struck. Back then, community was the name of the game—sometimes a bit too nosy, but hey, family and friends always had your back. I mean, back in the day, moms were like, "Got milk?" and would breastfeed each other's kids if one had to dash out for groceries. Okay, not in my family, but it was totally a thing. Nowadays, forget it! We've got breast milk banks, but don't worry, no awkward snuggling involved.

I also only won a few trophies ever as a child. I got MVP from sports camp one year, but the one that really takes the cake is the trophy I won for BEST POLKA at the father-daughter dance. Clearly, we grew up before the "everyone is special and everyone is a winner" era. And I, for one, am happy about it. Perhaps you think I am not inclusive, but the reality is I never expected them, and I am better because of it. I have some humility. In this day and age, everyone gets a trophy and pretty high grades for little to no effort. It's not good for our kids. As an academic, I can tell you that my students all think they're on the fast track to an A-list report card. Grade inflation? It's like a hot air balloon festival out here! Back in my college days, a solid B was like a sturdy old chair—nothing fancy, but it did the job. I actually cared more about learning than letter-chasing. Also, I don't recall sitting through a gazillion standardized tests as a kid. My poor 8-year-old and 12-year-old are practically professional test-takers now, with exams popping up more often than pop quizzes. Big shoutout to "No Child Left Behind" for turning childhood into a stress fest and making teaching as fun as watching paint dry.

It also gets me pondering about the F-word—failure! Kids today are absolutely petrified of it, like it's some kind of monster hiding under their bed. They've got this HUGE anxiety about failing, probably because of those never-ending standardized tests and the whole "A for effort" parade. I'm always telling my students and my own kids, "Hey, failure is the best teacher!" If you totally flop and face some consequences, chances are you'll learn a thing or two. I mean, most people do, right?

As a scientist, most of your hypotheses are wrong because nature is WAY smarter and funnier than any human being. We are wrong 95% of the time, so when we get something right, you better believe it feels good. Always expecting to win is not healthy, and I think it causes a lot of anxiety. We are generally happier when we have low expectations. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should choose a life partner even though he's a douchebag, because low expectations in that scenario can ruin your life. I'm just saying no one is perfect, and it's INSANE to expect life to just be a smooth ride because that is not going to happen.

Ok there is A LOT more to unpack here but let's fast forward to today. Parenting is really hard. We are the first generation to not do as well as our parents. A lot of us are struggling financially and the middle class is evaporating. We also spend way more money on child care and children in general. There are a lot of good things that have happened to change parenting, I'm not saying that the 80s were the right way of parenting, but there were some good things. Back in the day, parents didn't feel like they had to be their kids' personal clowns. They actually got to chill and chat with other parents without junior tugging at their sleeves every five seconds. Expectations were just different; kids knew the drill and respected their folks. Nowadays, I don't know if it's all the bizarre YouTube videos or what, but respect has taken a nosedive. It's not just parents—adults everywhere are getting the cold shoulder. I get emails from students that kick off with "Yo" or "Hey," like we're all buddies from summer camp. Meanwhile, elderly folks are getting shuffled into nursing homes and left to collect dust. Personally, I think chatting with the older generation is awesome. They've seen it all, and they're generally way more chill than the younger crowd. They've survived countless storms and know that this too shall pass.

So I found it really interesting when the US Surgeon General came out with a warning that parenting has a significant impact on mental health. Not that it didn't before but the pressure is different and constant.

The U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, has dropped a big hint that parents need a lot more TLC (Tender Loving Care), because their mental health is hanging by a thread! He's sounding the alarm for better support for parents and caregivers so that families and society don't go bananas.

Here's the scoop:

    •    Stress Fest: Parents are basically stress magnets, with 33% feeling the heat compared to just 20% of other adults. This stress cocktail is bad news for their mental health and can turn their kids into little balls of anxiety and gloom.

    •    Pressure Cooker: Parents juggle stress from money woes, time crunches, keeping their kids safe and healthy, and the never-ending saga of technology and social media. It's even more of a circus for those dealing with poverty, violence, racism, and discrimination.

    •    Parenting Power: If we want a happy society and bright futures for kids, we need to throw parents a lifeline. That means changing the rules and rolling out community programs to serve up:

    •    Paid family leave (because naps are non-negotiable)

    •    Affordable childcare (no more breaking the piggy bank)

    •    Access to mental health care (because sanity is a superpower)

    •    Social connection and community support (it takes a village, folks!)

Dr. Murthy is calling for a cultural revolution to make parents' mental health a top priority. The advisory is packed with tips for governments, bosses, schools, healthcare heroes, and communities to dial down the stress-o-meter for parents and help caregivers become the superheroes they were born to be or not. Both options are ok.

Got any good parenting from the 80s anecdotes? Or frustrations from today's parenting that you want to vent about? Leave a comment below.